I love food

It's true, I love food.  I love the way it tastes, it's texture, it's smell, the way it looks when arranged appetizingly on a plate.  I especially love food that is well prepared and cooked correctly...fresh food.  So why then have I become addicted to processed crap? 

That's the age old questions isn't it.  How do we as humans go from eating fresh, whole great tasting food to eating plastic, artificial tasteless crap and more importantly how do we and when do we start to prefer a twinkie over a avocado?  It's a complete mystery to me.  I certainly never realized it was happening.  I assume it's because most processed foods have the ingredients that addict us.  Sugar and fat.  Sugar and fat, like heroine only worse.  The food industry has understood this fact for quite sometime, sort of like the tobacco industry understood what about cigarettes would be addicting.   So I stand before you and say, I'm addicted to food. 

The problem with being addicted to food is the fact that we HAVE to eat in order to survive.  Unlike other addictions we can't just stop cold turkey and never imbibe again.  It's like an alcoholic sitting at the bar for just one drink and being able to push their selves away.  That can't happen.  That's what to me makes changing my eating behaviors so difficult.  So the dilema is how to maintain love for food but avoid being addicted to it? 

After much consideration I came up with the idea that what I'm really addicted to is sugar and fat.  I'm surely not addicted to asparagus.  Don't get me wrong, I like asparagus, but I'm sure I can push myself away from it.  So the answer to my problem is to avoid foods that are over processed and contain an abundance of sugar and fat.  In fact, quit those two items cold turkey.  Push myself away from the table.  And no, for you out there asking, it's not that easy.  You have to put up with the cravings, your body detoxing and honestly the comfort of those types of food.  It's damn hard, but I can do it and so can you.

So I can love food and it's ok.  I can still eat and at the same time avoid my addictions.  Balance, is the key. 

I love it!!  The things I'm learning about myself and food and health during this process is energizing and extremely fun.  A tip for any out there on the same journey as myself.  Keep learning.  Keep your curiosity about how these things work and you will not fail to make some important life changes. 

Next blog will be about how to love food but not be obsessed by it.  Oy!!!

For anyone needing to talk about life changes I highly recommend you go to www.cathyisin.com.  This lady is great at giving you the tools necessary to make some serious progress. 

WWSBD?

WWSBD?  has become my mantra.  What Would Skinny Bitch Do?  Remember a few years ago when they had bracelets for What Would Jesus Do?  This is my version.  Perhaps it will help me in my quest to think skinny.  

Had a really awful day today.  Work was incredibly stressful.  Came home and want to sit in my recliner and drink cocktails and eat something really really bad for me.  My behavior modification kicked in and I went for a long walk with my dog.  I felt much better after.  Stress gone and I didn't have the after pigfest guilts.  I'll guarantee that I'll feel even better tomorrow. 

Some days it's just really hard to maintain.  Today I succeeded and that's enough for today.  Tomorrow the battle continues.  

Remember WWSBD 

Thinking Like a Skinny Bitch

I was sitting at the food court in the mall the other day.  As is my habit I was people watching.  I'm not a huge fan of people in general, but I do like to study them in their unnatural environment.  As long as I don't have to interact I'm a happy camper.

On this particular day I was studying what food choices people were making at the food court. It became almost immediately apparent to me the difference in the choices that slender people make in comparison to those who are overweight.  Not that skinny people weren't eating fries, or food that was fatty and overly processed, they were, but they also practiced other behaviors that negated what they were eating.  For instance I noticed that a large majority of the slender people didn't eat all of their food.  They left some on their plate.  In my unscientific study they seemed to eat a few fries and then were satisfied and were able to leave the table without finishing the rest.  By an overwhelming majority the heavier individuals ate everything that they were served. 

So what does all this rather obvious observation teach me?  Simple.  Slender people think differently than those who are overweight.   It is inherent.  Like a polyglot they think in the language of thin and they do so inherently.  A sort of zen way of eating or as is more often the case, not eating.  Dead simple, if you want to be slender and healthy you need to think like a skinny person.  If you don't change the way you think you are going to fail.  A person who is still thinking fat may lose weight, but they won't make the more important changes that they need to that will insure that they keep the weight off.   So now not only do I have to learn how to think differently, I have to figure out a way to make "skinny thinking" second nature.    Now where did I put that book on Pavlov's Dog? 

Progress Report

As of today I have lost 37 pounds since mid March.  More importantly I feel much better.  I have much more energy and I am moving with much more ease.  My joints feel much better and my skin looks much healthier.

My goal for the month of April is to lose at least 10 pounds.



See you at the food court!!!   I'll be the fat person leaving food on their plate. 

Sleep Deprived

I'm not much of a sleeper.  Well, I take that back...when I do sleep, I sleep very deep and very soundly for about an average of 5 hours per night.   According to the experts that is not enough.  There is evidence that in order to maintain good health, the average adult needs 8-9 hours of sleep a night.  In addition there are studies that show that getting sufficient sleep is integral to weight loss. 


My own experience is conflicted in this case.  While I don't get the number of hours of sleep that I'm supposed to, I always feel rested when I wake up.  I've always been an early riser, usually getting up between 6-7 a.m., even if I go to bed at 1 or 2 a.m.  In fact I would say that is it often a struggle for me to stay in bed and go back to sleep.  Once I'm up, I'm up.  On the other hand, I do sometimes think that what I feel as hunger is actually me being tired.  I have become so disconnected from my physical self that I misread what my body is telling me.  Wait, this is the aha moment of my journey.  I finally figured out that what I am feeling is often anger, sadness, stress, tiredness and a plethora of other feelings, but I'm feeding it like it's hunger. Food is my comfort. 

I'm telling you honestly that broccoli is not comfort food.  Mac and Cheese is, or pizza or any number of unhealthy choices, those are comfortable.  So now I have realized that in addition to not eating when I'm actually hungry, I am eating the absolute wrong foods to feed every other emotion that I am not feeling.

So, how to solve this issue.  It's not rocket science.  It's a matter of taking stock when you go to grab something to eat.  Am I eating because I'm hungry?  Pretty simple huh?  Ha!!  The issue for me is that I have to admit that I'm feeling something else and that it's so overwhelming to me that I don't want to feel it.  Not easy at all.  The big one for me is stress.  Anytime that something at work is stressing me out I immediately go to the cafeteria and find some big muffin or Cinnamon roll and eat it as quick as I can.  Or I used to.  In order to be successful, that coping skill and behavior has to change.  BTW, nothing makes me feel better than a big ice cream cone. 

So, back to sleep....no pun intended.  If I'm sleep deprived or angry or sad or stressed I will be more susceptible to making bad food choices.  So it is necessary that in addition to taking stock of why I am eating I am also trying to ensure that I sleep more so that I'm well rested.  I'm taking steps to reduce my stress level.  I might take a walk around the block at work when things get really thermal nuclear, or exercise, play with my dog, talk to a friend.  When I'm angry I go work out on my heavy bag.  It's great exercise and I get to punch whoever is pissing me off the most at the moment, if only in my imagination.  When I take care to do all these things in addition to my eating plan and exercise regimen it ensures more success in my endeavor.


Thanks for listening. 

Sick of being a lard ass

How the hell did this happen?  How did I not notice?  In what year did I start avoiding the mirror?  When did I enter the denial stage?  When did I become so disconnected? When did I get so fat? 

Ever ask yourself those questions?  It happened to me just recently.  Now don't get me wrong I knew that I was gaining weight because I had to buy bigger clothes, I couldn't participate in the same activities I used to and I did venture onto a scale every once in a while.  But I was not in contact with my physical body.  I was purposely ignoring it and what it was telling me.  Total and utter disassociation.  Finally I have reaped the rewards of that denial and I am 120 pounds overweight. 

I can use all sorts of excuses about why this happened.  I was extremely stressed at work and I tend to eat my stress.  I don't want to deal with emotion so I eat it instead.  All the usual suspects.  But just like any other issue, like a big fat greasy doughnut it rolled away from me. 

In February I realized I could continue to wallow in my excuses or I could get off my robust gluteas maximus  and finally reconnect with my body and what it had become and work at getting it where I need it to be.  I say need because I need it to be more healthy, to be able to lead a more positive life and to feel better about myself.  I need to lose weight for my body, but also for my spirit, mind and emotional health. 

So what to do. 

I had a couple of friends who gave me some direction.  They gave me access to an eating plan that works for them and I started it.  In three weeks time I lost 20 pounds.  I went on vacation and lost 5 more.  Something I had never managed to do in all of my 48 years.  When I returned from vacation I continued on the plan and have so far dropped another 5 pounds.

I'm under no illusion that I will continue to lose weight this fast.  I will at some point plateau and the weight will come off slower and that's when the real test will begin.  To keep my frustration level down and to continue to treat my body well, exercise and eat good whole healthy food and not resort to feel good momentary satisfaction.   I've also made up my mind to blog about my experience because I know that it will help me and it might inspire some others out there who may want to make some life changes. 

This isn't going to be easy.  It's not going to be quick.  I didn't gain this weight overnight (thou sometimes it feels like I woke up one morning and went "hey, what happened"?)  and I can't lose it overnight.  I'm not dieting.  I'm choosing a different lifestyle and making better food and exercise choices.  I know, I've heard those statements before and rolled my eyes just like you just did.  But it's true folks. 

For those of you who are interested in my progress you are welcome to follow along.  For those that are not, please ignore at your leisure.  For those that have questions, please feel free to ask.  At some point I will be posting my plan and exercise regimen and put you in touch with my life coach who has helped me make these decisions and continues to provide sage advice and direction on how to proceed.  I will also be posting pictures in the next few days so that those of you who are interested will be able to follow along.

For those of you asking why make this a public event?  Simple, incentive.  It will make me work harder and stay on track.  That's the kind of personality I have.

Wish me luck and thanks for listening.  

Reality and Reality TV

Just like the rest of the world I've have been glued to the T.V. watching the Casey Anthony trial.  Just like the rest of the world I have my opinions and my theories about what happened to a 2 year old little girl.  But in the end, not myself, not Nancy Grace and the rest of the mad dog legal pundits, not the people on the street or on Facebook or in numerous discussion groups know what happened and we never will.  I cannot say for sure that Casey Anthony is guilty or not guilty, but I can say with certainty that I don't feel that the State of Florida proved beyond a reasonable doubt that she was guilty and that in the end is the point. 

In this country unlike in France, England and numerous other countries in the world, the burden of proof is on the people prosecuting the case, not on the accused.  It is the best system.  Without this system the constitutional rights of each and every one of us would be at risk of being railroad by the State.  Ironically enough these jurors came up with this verdict the day after the 4th of July...when the citizens of this country celebrate our individual liberties fought and won and they re-affirmed the idea that all of us have the right to be innocent until proven guilty.  That we have the right to be determined guilty beyond a reasonable doubt and that anything under that designation is not good enough.  So that is done, agree or disagree, everyone of us must be assured that our legal system and a country that is governed by the rule of law provided a system of justice that in the end works. 

At the end of the day I can say this ringing affirmative...nobody was served by this case...not Caylee Anthony, not her mother, her grandmother, her grandfather or her uncle.  The people that had the most to gain by any of this are the media.  For three years they exploited Caylee and the story of her sad demise.  The context of the story had nothing to do with reality.  It bothers me, this idea of "reality" and how we as watchers of this feel like we know these people personally.  That we can judge people, we can judge their motives and their behavior just because they are on our tv screens day after day after day.  We will have to listen Nancy Grace and a plethora of other media types go over this again and again and cry about the lack of justice because of course we try people in this country via the media.  But I want everyone to stop and think about this, we don't know what happened, we don't know Casey Anthony and neither do they and it is with this in mind that we need to let the anger go and judgement go and spend our time and energy regretting the fact that bad things happen to innocent and good people and be sad that in this country that violence against children is a all too common occurrence and despite this verdict will continue to happen, especially in places or to people that the national media don't turn an intense spotlight on. 

Irony it's what's for breakfast lunch and dinner

I like everyone in the world have been following the news of the death of Osama Bin Laden.  Unlike everyone else I don't really have mixed feelings on the subject; I appreciate the fact that he's dead, it was a long time in coming and I don't give a damn if he was armed or not.  I do know this much, I didn't appreciate all the preaching on Facebook about how each person should or should not react to this person's demise.  Don't tell me how to feel about things, I have my own values system and moralistic sense and don't need projection of your moral sense or values system onto me.

As for the Grand Old Pricks party, I was not surprised by their reaction to the news that the Black Muslim guy born in Kenya nabbed the number one boogie man.  You could see that their assholes were puckering up by the pursuing of their lips.  Ironically enough, the man they were trying to give equal credit to for the deed well done was in fact the man who said that Bin Laden was no big deal and it didn't matter if we captured him.  That's right Dubya!! 

Meanwhile, back on the Wall Street Ranch the big boys are complaining because of the excess liquidity in the market.  That's right, there's too much cash out there and that makes the Bernie Madoff's of the world nervous because they fear inflation.  So to mop up that liquidity what do they do?  They speculate on commodities...oil, gold, food, etc.. Why are our gas prices so high when there is an obvious oil glut?  Because the boy with the cash are manipulating the markets and all the little day traders out there gambling away their retirement on gold and silver futures are going to be left with nothing.  Our government will then give these shysters a big tax break and continue to deregulate the markets so that the gap between rich and poor in this country has grow so large that it's comparable to a third world economy.  Where did all this liquidity come from?  The Fed continues to pump money into the economy by buying government bonds.  Big banks like Goldman Saks, JP Morgan are making a ton of money, but guess what folks, it's not trickling down to you and I, because the credit markets are still very tight.  That's why there is no job growth in this economy, because those with the cash are not reinvesting in the American Economy, they are speculating it away making your gas and food prices go through the ceiling.  The big irony here is, that the same people who trashed the system before are still in charge of the system and I don't let the foxes guard my hen house once, let alone twice.

The final irony of the day is all these right wing nut conservatives whose unshakable belief in a great and powerful god that they've never seen nor is there any concrete proof of in the bible or anywhere else...don't believe that the President of the United States was born in Hawaii despite over whelming evidence that he was and they don't believe that Bin Laden is dead until their arch enemy Al Queda tells them that he is.  What does that say about this country?