Sunday, March 25, 2012

Sick of being a lard ass

How the hell did this happen?  How did I not notice?  In what year did I start avoiding the mirror?  When did I enter the denial stage?  When did I become so disconnected? When did I get so fat? 

Ever ask yourself those questions?  It happened to me just recently.  Now don't get me wrong I knew that I was gaining weight because I had to buy bigger clothes, I couldn't participate in the same activities I used to and I did venture onto a scale every once in a while.  But I was not in contact with my physical body.  I was purposely ignoring it and what it was telling me.  Total and utter disassociation.  Finally I have reaped the rewards of that denial and I am 120 pounds overweight. 

I can use all sorts of excuses about why this happened.  I was extremely stressed at work and I tend to eat my stress.  I don't want to deal with emotion so I eat it instead.  All the usual suspects.  But just like any other issue, like a big fat greasy doughnut it rolled away from me. 

In February I realized I could continue to wallow in my excuses or I could get off my robust gluteas maximus  and finally reconnect with my body and what it had become and work at getting it where I need it to be.  I say need because I need it to be more healthy, to be able to lead a more positive life and to feel better about myself.  I need to lose weight for my body, but also for my spirit, mind and emotional health. 

So what to do. 

I had a couple of friends who gave me some direction.  They gave me access to an eating plan that works for them and I started it.  In three weeks time I lost 20 pounds.  I went on vacation and lost 5 more.  Something I had never managed to do in all of my 48 years.  When I returned from vacation I continued on the plan and have so far dropped another 5 pounds.

I'm under no illusion that I will continue to lose weight this fast.  I will at some point plateau and the weight will come off slower and that's when the real test will begin.  To keep my frustration level down and to continue to treat my body well, exercise and eat good whole healthy food and not resort to feel good momentary satisfaction.   I've also made up my mind to blog about my experience because I know that it will help me and it might inspire some others out there who may want to make some life changes. 

This isn't going to be easy.  It's not going to be quick.  I didn't gain this weight overnight (thou sometimes it feels like I woke up one morning and went "hey, what happened"?)  and I can't lose it overnight.  I'm not dieting.  I'm choosing a different lifestyle and making better food and exercise choices.  I know, I've heard those statements before and rolled my eyes just like you just did.  But it's true folks. 

For those of you who are interested in my progress you are welcome to follow along.  For those that are not, please ignore at your leisure.  For those that have questions, please feel free to ask.  At some point I will be posting my plan and exercise regimen and put you in touch with my life coach who has helped me make these decisions and continues to provide sage advice and direction on how to proceed.  I will also be posting pictures in the next few days so that those of you who are interested will be able to follow along.

For those of you asking why make this a public event?  Simple, incentive.  It will make me work harder and stay on track.  That's the kind of personality I have.

Wish me luck and thanks for listening.  


  1. Good for you! When I decided there was more of me than the world deserved, I used my therapist for accountability..a blog would have been much cheaper :)

    Glad to hear you're doing it the smart way.

    Good Luck!!

  2. I really enjoyed reading this.

    I am 49, and when I turned 46 I decided I either needed to join a gym or go back to martial arts (after a 12 yr break). In the end the draw of learning Eskrima (Filipino Stick Fighting) and Wing Chun was too great and martial arts won out! I got fitter, more in touch with my body and myself and with myself. I began to learn more about ME, about who I was, the kind of body I wanted, the kind of clothes I wanted to wear. From there my whole attitude changed. Decision made, I reduced my eating overnight, changed my entire attitude to food, and as the weight came off I bought new clothes. I was never really overweight, but I lost 12 pounds, which put me into the body I WANTED. I am toned, slim, finally have an outrageous sexual confidence (which my husband has appreciated)...and I just LOVE life! The big change for me was finally believing I could DO it, that I COULD have that body and wear those clothes.

    I finally know who I am and I am finally embracing this life with all that I am, AS all that I am. So I utterly applaud you on this journey, and will be reading your blogs to see how it's going.

    If I can give you any support or motivation, just let me know!!!

  3. Congrats! Curious minds want to know what eating plan your friends shared.

    All the best on your journey.

  4. Yay! I'm looking forward to reading about your successes.