I tend to slam through life like the proverbial bull in a china shop. I can't remember ever being reflective, just blast through to the next thing at mach 1 with my hair on fire. This tendency, while not exactly expansive has served it's purpose in my life. I have no regrets. I don't think back and say if only I had done it this way, or if I had made this decision, or not done this. I've never had a guilty conscience, nor do I want to go back and have do overs. Recently I have figured out that this modus operandi is a survival technique. I needed it to navigate my way through the mine fields of my existence, however perhaps I have grown past the point in my life when I needed to operate this way and needed to search out a more meaningful existence.
I don't know why it is but I've been very introspective of late. I've been thinking about how I got to where I am, I guess in preparation to figure out where I'm going from here. For the first time in my life I am thinking not just in the present, but in the future; and more specifically how my present behavior and the choices I make are going to affect my future.
My journey isn't just about weight loss folks. You might say I've had a series of small epiphanies. Nothing grandiose, just little every day mini enlightenment. Maybe it's because I'm sitting still for periods of time now days, instead of doing a complete daffy duck impression. Or maybe it's because somebody who I admired as shown me the example of what a blessing a fully examined life can be. That in order to grow as an individual I need to figure out how to make better decisions. Maybe it's my current obsession with reading the obituaries in the paper and wondering what mine might say and how I am defined. Not how you define me, but how do I define myself. If I'm not Mary Lou's daughter or Jacob's mother, or so and so's boss, who the hell am I? Once I started on this question it opened up a whole bunch of new cans of worms.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I have any regrets about the decisions I've made to this point, I'm just saying that in reviewing the decisions I've made I might make a different choice in the future. I did some dumb ass things in my youth, and frankly I continue to do dumb ass things, but if I'm to become a fully evolved Sarah, I need to make some changes and become less reactionary and more thoughtful. Wish me luck.
I have lost an additional 5 pounds in the last week. I don't know why or how, I haven't altered anything I'm doing. I'll take it even if I don't know how I did it.
Stay tuned, next week I'm going to address my working out and rediscovering the athlete I buried under layers of fat.
I
I don't know why it is but I've been very introspective of late. I've been thinking about how I got to where I am, I guess in preparation to figure out where I'm going from here. For the first time in my life I am thinking not just in the present, but in the future; and more specifically how my present behavior and the choices I make are going to affect my future.
My journey isn't just about weight loss folks. You might say I've had a series of small epiphanies. Nothing grandiose, just little every day mini enlightenment. Maybe it's because I'm sitting still for periods of time now days, instead of doing a complete daffy duck impression. Or maybe it's because somebody who I admired as shown me the example of what a blessing a fully examined life can be. That in order to grow as an individual I need to figure out how to make better decisions. Maybe it's my current obsession with reading the obituaries in the paper and wondering what mine might say and how I am defined. Not how you define me, but how do I define myself. If I'm not Mary Lou's daughter or Jacob's mother, or so and so's boss, who the hell am I? Once I started on this question it opened up a whole bunch of new cans of worms.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I have any regrets about the decisions I've made to this point, I'm just saying that in reviewing the decisions I've made I might make a different choice in the future. I did some dumb ass things in my youth, and frankly I continue to do dumb ass things, but if I'm to become a fully evolved Sarah, I need to make some changes and become less reactionary and more thoughtful. Wish me luck.
I have lost an additional 5 pounds in the last week. I don't know why or how, I haven't altered anything I'm doing. I'll take it even if I don't know how I did it.
Stay tuned, next week I'm going to address my working out and rediscovering the athlete I buried under layers of fat.
I
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